Alexei..... YEEEEES

Hawk Looking More Like A Muppet

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Chicago, IL - The Hawk's haggard appearance of late prompted White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski to note that, "Hawk looks more and more like a Muppet each day." The 68 year-old Harrelson, who regularly draws the ire of White Sox players when he wanders into the clubhouse in search of "stray beers," has not impressed recently.

"He comes in here the other day and has the nerve to offer up hitting advice," said youngster Brent Lillibridge, obviously underwhelmed by Harrelson's .239 career average.

What is impressive, according to manager Ozzie Guillen, is Hawk's beer consumption. "He godda gooo buzzz on de odder day, dat crazy ol' Naco." However, players have grown tired of Hawk rummaging through the fridge while yelling, "don't stop now, boys."

Sources report that pitcher Bobby Jenks balled up a Burger King wrapper and threw it at Hawk as he turned around the other day. Jenks was questioned by the aging announcer, and replied, "I don't know what you're talking about, jerk-off. You look like a Muppet." Jenks then iced his arm heavily.

Preseason Power Rankings

PRESEASON POWER RANKINGS

Team	Hitting	Pitching	Total
Edwards	123.20	97.47	220.67
Anderson	124.20	94.18	218.38
Iwert	130.15	86.21	216.36
Mugica	139.96	58.34	198.30
Karalis	109.01	83.53	192.54
Hedlin	124.00	60.68	184.68
Kim	108.67	68.33	177.00
Knowles	118.67	55.13	173.80
True	99.21	73.89	173.10
Paul	107.21	64.90	172.11
Hulka	129.99	38.52	168.51
Settanni	119.09	46.36	165.45

Note: These rankings were compiled using the average of projected stats from 3 websites.

Comments:

Edwards:



If it was 2005, this lineup boasting Arod, JRoll, Brian Roberts, Abreu, and Manny would be sick. However, its 2011 and all these players will assuredly get injured. I do think the pitching staff is the 2nd best in the league with Kershaw and Latos anchoring the staff and Neftali Feliz racking up saves. I don't think my team will be as good as it is on paper unless all those players listed above stay healthy.

Anderson:


Halladay, Price, Lilly, Matusz and Mariano/Krod comprise the best pitching staff in the league. This team is extremely dependent on Yankees, but I'm not worried about that line-up putting up numbers. Jason Heyward is a stud. Jose Reyes needs to stay healthy for this team to maintain success.

Iwert:

We'll see how Cabrera responds to his rocky off-season. Kemp, Posey, Phillips, and Bay all represent solid value at their respective positions. Lester, Weaver, Liriano, Hughes, and Soria form a solid starting staff. Lance Berkman is an intriguing player on the bench.

Mugica:
Is it me or do these guys appear to be switch hitters? Nonetheless, Ellsbury, Youk, Tulo, Bautista, Kinsler, and Santana are all amongst the top rankings at their respective positions. Oswalt, Haren, Garza, Hudson, and Vazquez comprise a pitching staff that is better than the rating above, in my opinion.

Karalis:
Braun, Greinke, and Marcum will leave Karalis confused as to which team to cheer for. Cliff Lee is back is a legit ace. If this team doesn't win steals with Pierre, Bourn, and Pedroia it will be in trouble. The Morales injury is a concern as Gaby Sanchez and Adam Laroche aren't the greatest.

Hedlin:


Chase Utley's wife his hot and he is the key to this team's season. Crawford, Holiday, Mauer, Butler, Big Papi, and Kung Fu Panda round out a lineup that is better than its rating in my opinion. Verlander, Cain, and Carpenter will need to carry the staff along with Papelbon and Nathan having bounceback seasons.

Kim:
Shin-Soo, BJ Upton, Cano, Morneau, and VMart are all stand-outs at their positions causing this lineup to be extremely underrated in my opinion. After the San Fransisco combo of Lincecum and Wilson, this pitching staff appears questionable.

Knowles:
CarGo, Wright, and Dunn should keep this team in contention for the hitting categories. Ubaldo, Beckett, and Scherzer are proven starters and I like Big Z as a sleeper candidate.

True:
This team will be working the waiver wire to fill in around Votto, J. Upton, Uggla, Andrus, King Felix, Gallardo, and Bumgarner.

Paul:
This staff is anchored by CC and Josh Johnson who are both very underrated in my opinion. Longoria, Fielder, and Werth are all solid players. Ethier, Hart, Young, Prado, and Castro are intriguing players that will need to come through for this team.

Hulka:
Looks good, doesn't it? This team has a great lineup with Albert, Cruz, Zimmerman, Ichiro, and Jeter. After Hanson, this team has a questionable pitching staff in my opinion.

Settanni:


Hanley, Howard, Hamilton, Pence, Rasmus, and Rios form a well-rounded offense. After Cole Hamels, this team is relying on guys like Jake Peavy to help out.