Incompetence will not be tolerated...

So I was proposed a trade in another ESPN league where I would receive Brad Hawpe and Javy Vasquez for Jermaine Dye... not a blockbuster but then he gets on the league website after Javy throws a decent (didn't throw a no-hitter or anything) game. Complaining that this trade was an accident and that everybody needs to veto the trade so I wake up here in Phoenix, AZ to set my lineup and find a Javy-less lineup and I thought you might enjoy my league post...

Fuck you K B Rat Batsters
Posted: Apr 26, 4:15 PM
So I'm just sittin here in Phoenix, AZ looking to set my lineup for next week but what do I find except for a vetoed trade. Jermaine Dye and Brad Hawpe are not equal and you proposed the trade! It's pretty hard to select the fuckin player and lets just lay this out there.... Either somebody told you it was a dumb trade (assuming your cousin Larry) or you got scared when Javy threw a "masterful" game, pffffff. The trade was even and helped both teams - I don't care about that but you fuckin proposed the trade. You wasted my fucking time as the trade was sitting there for 2 days before I accepted it. This league is bullshit as it is way too pitching heavy and I have no patience for fucking time wasters and incompetence such as shitty Sox fans like K B Rat Batsters shows in this gay league. Do NOT propose me any more trades as you wasted my fuckin time - so take your Paul Maholm and shove him up your ass - I don't want him. I hope you, Brad Hawpe and Javy Vasquez get AIDS....

Matt Kemp beats Steven

With 2 home runs on Sunday, Matt Kemp single-handedly beat Steven.

The Ole' Best Damn Baseball Injuries...

Charlie Hough broke his pinky finger while shaking hands.

Mickey Tettleton went on the DL with a severe case of athlete's foot - caused by tying his shoes too tight.

Jose Cardenal missed a game in 1972 because he was kept awake all night by crickets chirping in his hotel room.

Jose Cardenal missed a game in 1974, because he couldn't blink. He swore his eyes were stuck open.

Bob Feller scalded himself with 200-degree water after he lost control of the hose in a whirlpool. He scalded himself from the waste down, and couldn't do anything for a week.

Russ Davis missed a game after he slept wrong and awoke with a sore shoulder.

David Cone missed a start after getting bit by his mother-in-law's dog, a Jack Russell Terrier.

Sammy Sosa missed a game after sleeping wrong on his shoulder.

Jim Corsi slipped coming out of the shower and sprained his wrist. Corsi has poor eyesight, wasn't wearing contacts, and misjudged his step.

Bob Stanley missed a couple of games slipping down the stairs while taking out the trash.

Ken Griffey Jr. got a sore back lifting boxes.

Carlos Perez broke his nose in a car accident....as he was trying to pass the team bus.

Brian Anderson suffered nerve damage in his elbow after a cab ride.

Tony Gwynn missed a couple of games after he smashed his thumb in the door of his luxury car. While going to the bank.

Rickey Henderson missed several games because of frost- bite. In August.

Vince Coleman missed the 1985 World Series when he got rolled up in the tarp machine.

Pascual Perez missed a start in Atlanta when he circled the city for more than two hours searching for the exit ramp from Highway 285 to Fulton County Stadium.

Kevin Mitchell strained a muscle while vomiting.

Twins farmhand David Foster was knocked out for the season when a lightning strike through a phone line zapped him while he was making a call.

Pitcher Steve Foster injured his shoulder knocking over milk bottles during a segment with Jay Leno on "The Tonight Show."

Wade Boggs missed several games after straining his back while pulling on his cowboy boots.

Paul Molitor dislocated a knuckle when it got stuck in another player's glove.

Milwaukee's Dave Nilsson missed part of this season with Ross River Fever, a mosquito-borne virus that annually affects 200 out of Australia's 17 million residents.

Twins general manager Terry Ryan required dozens of stitches when he was scouting a game and a bat flew out of the hitter's hands, sailed through a space in the backstop and struck him in the forehead.

Pitcher Jeff Juden had a start early in the 1994 season pushed back after getting an infection from a tattoo.

Outfielder Bret Barberie missed a game when he accidentally rubbed chili juice in his eye.

Ken Griffey Jr. missed a game after his protective cup slipped and pinched a testicle.

Doc Gooden missed a start when Coleman accidentally hit him with a golf club in the Mets' clubhouse.

Mark Portugal missed a start because of food poisoning from eating bad mahi-mahi.

Pitcher Steve Sparks dislocated his shoulder while tearing a phone book in half, as he was trying to emulate a motivational speaker.

Reliever Larry Anderson strained a rib muscle getting out of a Jucuzzi.

Pitcher Ted Power pulled a hamstring jumping off the bullpen bench to join a brawl.

Kent Hrbek missed the final 10 games of the 1990 season when he sprained an ankle while wrestling with a clubhouse attendant.

Florida's Randy Veres hurt his hand pounding on a hotelroom wall trying to get the people in the next room to quiet down.

Dennis Martinez injured his arm tossing his luggage onto the team bus. He was diagnosed with Samsonitis.

Chris Brown missed a game with a strained eyelid after sleeping on an eye a funny way.

Former Seattle shortstop Rey Quinones was unavailable as a pinch-hitter because he was in the clubhouse playing Nintendo.

Terry Harper (Atlanta, OF) injured his shoulder after giving another player a high five.

Greg Harris (Texas, pitcher) injured his shoulder trying to flick sunflower seeds into the stands from the bullpen.

Baltimore's Mark Smith was hurt when he stuck his hand in an air conditioner to see why it wasn't working properly.

Glenallen Hill missed a few games after falling out of his bed while having an arachnophobic dream about spiders. He dreamt that spiders were devouring him, jumped off his bed, fell through a glass table, and crawled through the shards of glass.

Pay your respects...

Mr. Kallas has passed away... this man was one of the greats... and deserves some damn respect. His voice was legendary, his calls were silky, and the man was a class act.

He was given the option to have a Vin Scully schedule where he didn't have to make any trips and he said... "fuck that, baseball is played everyday, I'm going to call it everyday". He called the only 2 WS the Phillies have won, all of Mike Schmidts HR's and all of Chase Utley's legendary bombs while being well on his way to being the greatest 2B of all time.

Watching NFL Films makes the hair on your arms stand up - I know Gizz will take some time to reflect. Also, repects to Mark "The Bird" Fydrich - a legend of his own time... but that time was before me.

Wow, I Really Obliterated Steve Last Week

Ironically, the only category I lost was SB.

The main point remains. Steve is lucky last week only counted as one loss instead of eight, which is how many categories in which I whooped his ass.

And we will now be subjected to a stream of excuses from Steve. Let the verbal diarrhea begin.

Just a hunch....

I have on pretty good authority that I will be winning my matchup this week against the Bloomington Beers. Take this inside info and bet on it.

Lets go into depth on this issue:

Catchers:

Beers

Mauer-Min-Hurt and on the 15 day DL

White Castle

Napoli-LAA-Heard he was okay and I needed a catcher.

In this situation I clearly have the advantage...this week. And if the Beers gets on the ball and switches his lineup he will probably have the advantage in this category because he has Ivan the Terrible on the bench.

1st base:

Beers

Pena-Rays

White Castle

Teixeira-yanks

Really is there anything that I need to say on this one.

2nd base:

Beers:

Polanco-det

White Castle

Roberts-Bal

Does Detroit still have a team??? Really? Really? Roberts

3rd base:

Beers:
Huff-Bal
White Castle
Beltre-Sea.

Huff..hahahahahahahahaha and even if Beltre is hurt to start I have the young stud in Alex Gordon that I move there.

Shortstop:

Beers:
Peralta-cle

White Castle
Drew-Ari

It's a wash

Outfield:

Beers-

Suzuki-sea (hurt bleeding ulcer, probably from thinking about playing me this week in fantasy)

Markakis-Balt

Ordonez-Det (hasn't this dude retired yet)

White Castle

Soriano- (I did NOT want him, but he was the best available, GOD I HATE WHEN HE STRIKES OUT ON 3 STRAIGHT SLIDERS)

Pence-hou

Morales-LAA

I think I win this with Sori (lets hope for a hot streak) and Pence....Morales will be regarded as the best FA pickup this season.

Beers needs to reorganize his lineup because of Suzuki being hurt....either way I win.

Utility:

Beers-

Dunn-Nats

White Castle-

Gordon-KC

I give this to Beers. I have a love affair with Adam Dunn...Call is a man crush. He SHOULD be playing for the Cubs. He's awesome and no one can tell me differently.

Anyway......

I think I take Beers with a easy victory in the lineup department. Pitching is probably all his with CC and Lincecum. But his rotation lacks some depth there....Wang is just that a huge Wang and Bedard was a huge bust last year after his trade. I do like Soria kid but with my closer being Joe Nathan that would be easily my win there. I'll take the saves category and maybe I could sneak into the K's category with Kaz, Garza, and Meyers.

All this should equal to a 6-4 or a 7-3 win for Carlos "WHITE CASTLE" Marmol.

I decided to leave a picture of a wife of one of my fantasy players, my second baseman Brian Roberts, I like to introduce his wife Diana Chiafair.

Quit staring at my ass!

That’s right.  You will be trailing behind me the entire season.  Here is the breakdown of how and why I will dominate. 

Catcher – While we all wait and anticipate the debut of the future AL ROY Matt Wieters, Yadier Molina will suffice.  He is 26 with 4 years of experience and has improved season after season. You can expect him to rise to a top 10 catcher.  Trades will be considered upon Wieters arrival.

 1B – Ryan Howard.  What else do you want me to say?  50+ bombs 150+ RBIs 

2B – Mark DeRosa – You all know and love him.  The Indians will make a run at the AL Central. Batting in the two hole behind Sizemore, he will get plenty of RBI opportunities.  Coming off a career year, he has potential to do even better. 

3B – Kevin Youkilis – The Greek God of walks.  Sox will be in the running for the World Series. He bats for average and hits with power.  30 Bombs 100 + RBIs. 

SS - Derek Jeter – There is room for improvement on this front, but as for short stop goes, there’s not much out there.  But he does play on the Yankees and hits for average consistently. He will get me a little of everything.  

OF – Ryan Braun, Matt Holiday, Nate McClouth, and Xavier Nady – This is the best outfield in our league, if not second best.  Excluding Nady, they all have speed.  They all hit for power and will all produce runs. 

Starting Pitching – As goes with every team, as long as everyone stays healthy; I will make a run for leading our league in Wins and Strike Outs.  Dan Haren, Zack Greinke, Adam Wainwright and Clayton Kershaw.  I won’t have the lowest ERA and WHIP but you can expect middle of the bunch.  Each pitcher can be expected of 15+ wins.  They are all on solid teams and can expect a decent amount of run support.   

Even if Kershaw doesn’t have the stuff everyone hopes and dreams of, the starting pitching on my bench is solid.  Rick Porcello (You say who?)  is the number five guy in Detroit with Dontrelle Willis fading further into oblivion.   He has plenty of potential and has “been compared to Roy Halladay, Justin Verlander, Roy Oswalt and Josh Beckett.”  Come All Star Break, he may be starting on my team.  Andy Sonnanstine also has plenty of potential as 4^th starter on the Rays. We’ll see how he pans out. 

Closers - B.J. Ryan, Kevin Gregg, Frank Francisco, Joel Hanrahan, and Matt Lindstrom are all closing for their respective teams.  Here is what you call a stock pile.  Trades anyone? 

And lastly, for every post I make, I will leave you a hot piece of ass (as I expect every one of you to do the same).  Today (even though he is a douche bag), we get Tim Teabow’s girlfriend.  I think you can figure out why. (o) (o)